the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
