this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
