So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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