god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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