Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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