you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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