I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the condom got lost in my hair
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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