i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
