Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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