paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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