rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
