So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
