So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
