lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
