dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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