Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
someone owes me an orgasm
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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