Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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