I want you more than these girls want KFC
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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