nutella sex= disaster
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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