so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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