Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
