The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
