4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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