There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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