He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
