I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
