dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
