Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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