U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
