I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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