My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
People in love make me want to vomit
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
