First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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