Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
