My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
