Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
