It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
