Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
