and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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