found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
