from now on my penis is your penis
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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