If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
