We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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