He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
