She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
