She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
