the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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