he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
