Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
