what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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