Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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