matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
