went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
