Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
