Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
