I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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