why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
