oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
