I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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