I'm going to jail i love you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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