i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
