New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
