woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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