Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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