Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my being single is dangerous.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he just fucked me for my cheese.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
