So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
