Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Be still, my beating vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
