first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
