I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
