so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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