So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
