god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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