He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
