apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
