Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
