after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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