In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
