Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
