we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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