I just threw up on my dentist
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
