I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
