U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
