His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize