I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
