I met the friendliest cop last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
