got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
