I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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